Previous weeks were hard. I was not so busy as not to have a good amount of leisure time, though. The problem was that I had no inclination to use it well. Instead, I just fooled around – thinking about things of no importance, watching Japanese samurai movies and playing online games. Every thought of reading (anything at all) or writing (even a sentence) was almost odious.
Of course, these states are very unwelcome. I think having a ‘regular’ job is already taking its toll, turning me into some kind of a machine… I was like those people in Fahrenheit 451, brainless, empty…
Being, on a daily basis, around so many people, makes me feel detached from myself, alienated. I then need even more time alone and, mostly, I don’t get it until I proclaim the isolation, since every day or two one friend or the other calls and suggests a night out or some other kind of socializing. It doesn’t matter if I would decline or accept the invitation, my peace of mind is disturbed by the mere act of receiving the call. I am pulled out of my ‘atmosphere’ and the process of recovery has to start afresh.
Only when I manage to regain my basic harmony am I ready to read. And reading is an important phase of the recovery process. It rebuilds the connections with my own self, it keeps me in touch with my thoughts and worldviews and it gives me food for further personal development. It brings me back to home.
So, back to reading!