life · Nancy Mitford

In which its writer laments the copious amounts of activities and the lack of reflection time

The week was hectic.

I am rather tempted to make the post out of this sentence alone. Only, it would serve no purpose – I would continue to feel guilty for not writing.

But, how could I write when I haven’t been reflecting on anything worth writing about. Too occupied with work, with packing, with all the friends I had to see before the trip – there was no significant difference between myself and a robot.

The forthcoming two days of not going out of the house will not be enough to restore me to my own self.

I wonder to which circle of introvert’s hell would this kind of punishment belong – the situation of being too active and, at the same time (or, precisely because of that), not being/feeling alive. Everything was happening too fast for my brain to process. It all seemed just a wild succession of events… Even when I was having a good conversation, reading a (somewhat bad) book or solving problems with disinterested pupils, my mind was only partially employed – the other half always thinking about the thing that awaited me next (which, alas, was never a much desired time alone) thus creating an additional dose of unnecessary pressure and dissatisfaction.

Meeting friends felt, to a great extent, like completing tasks. Five done, two to go, two on repeat (!). What is of a greater importance, at least when this blog is concerned, I could not write about Don’t Tell Alfred. I still can not and it’s aggravating. There was no time for thinking about what I’ve read on today’s schedule. There will be no time for it tomorrow or the days after it… So, all the questions that popped out and danced around during the reading – why do I consider it weak? what is the problem with the story / its execution? what has happened to the characters? – will, unfortunately, have to be left unanswered.

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6 thoughts on “In which its writer laments the copious amounts of activities and the lack of reflection time

  1. I hate it when life gets in the way of a good book, as it frequently does. It is amazing how rubbish it can make one’s life when being deprived of the time for literary marvels, or in your case not at present.

    I feel your frustration and will be quite content to not touch Don’t Tell Alfred unless there are only bad romances left.

  2. Just wondering….. with so many different groups of friends waiting for you to meet and attend to, are you sure you really are an ‘introvert’? :p (hahaha…..)
    Anyway, all the best for your upcoming trip! (where to, by the way?) :)

    1. Oh, it’s just three groups really and often I don’t see them for a month..
      And you know how it is – you meet a person and s/he invites you to a coffee and next thing you know – you are pulled in a group. I was never good with NO’s. Just recently I decided it’s a high time to do something about it, be more assertive for my own good..
      Other two people (making a ‘group’) are friends from University – one was living on Florida for two years and came back 6 months ago, and the other one lives in a city nearby. I see her only two times a year – we go to book fairs together :)
      And the third party is my best friend, a person I see more or less regularly; but, even with him it seems like too much.
      So, yes, I am an introvert. Although, maybe, an unusual one.. :)

      I am already in Sweden. Been in Göteborg and now I’m in Borås for a month – will be going back to Göteborg some time in August.. It’s a beautiful city..

  3. I learnt a long time ago that if I didn’t schedule myself at least one day a week when I could be completely on my own I would go crazy. It may not be possible in your situation but if it is, I recommend it.

    1. I will definitely have to adopt the plan because the way things were was not the way I want them to be… Yes, the circumstances were uncommon but, at the same time, it was a culmination of my problems with not being able to say no to friends. Now I have the chance to reprogram myself a bit.

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